Jim Valvano once said: “My father gave me the greatest gift anyone
could give another person, he believed in me.” I can’t believe it’s been a years since my
dad passed away. There are times when
none of it seems real. Or maybe it’s
just too real for me to admit. As I sit
here and write this blog, I can’t help but the think about the one and only
time my dad came up and seen the apartment I now reside in. It was between the time of Christmas and New Years
of last year. In fact, my parents left
to go back to Ohio that New Year’s Eve morning.
New Year’s Day, I talked with my parents and they told me that they
stayed up and watched the ball drop, as Time Square welcomed in the year
2013. I don’t know if he sat there
wondering if he might die sometime during the course of that year. All I know is that last year started out as a
year like any other. And like everyone
else at midnight on New Year’s Eve, my dad was probably hoping that the coming
year would be better than the last.
It’s funny what you remember about your parents after they pass away. My youth is but a distant memory. And
yet, there are things about my youth that I remember as vividly as if I were
watching those bits and pieces of it on a theater movie screen. As a little kid, I would wake up every
Saturday morning at 9:00 a.m. to watch The Smurfs on
television. Thereafter, my dad would take me to the Bass Pro Shop
with him. Not exactly an exciting thing for a kid. However,
once we got there, my dad would give me a dollar's worth of change. Back
in the early 80's, it is amazing how far a dollar would take
you. It was enough for me to go to the outside vending machines and buy
myself a small bag of pretzels and a can of Dr. Pepper. And I’d still have five
or ten cents left over. Doesn't seem like much, but it kept MY mind occupied.
I remember fishing with my dad when he was in the Bass Masters Club
everything Thursday evening in the summer.
One the hardest things I ever did was tell him that it just wasn't an
interest for me like it was for him. But
as I grew into to young adulthood, some of my fondest memories of my dad would
be of him and me fishing together. When
I was in my mid-20’s, every once and a while, he’d call me up and ask me if I
wanted to go fishing with him on a Saturday morning. Fishing still wasn't an interest of mine, but
I would gladly accept his invitation. I
suppose it was because it wasn't such an imposition to go like it was when I
was a kid. In fact, as an adult, when he and I would fish together, I would even begin to enjoy myself out in the
open water and appreciating the tranquility around me. Looking back on it, I suppose it was one of
the many reasons my dad loved to fish.
Like a lot of children experience, I had very few things in common with my
dad. And when one of your parents pass
away, a floodgate of memories come bursting out, whether angry, sad, or
happy. I guess it’s just the process of reminiscence
filtering the good from the bad. In
time, all of your memories are refined in some way and to some extent. Because when it’s all said and done, none of
your bad memories really matter. In our minds,
we know that our parents passing away before us is the way it should be. And yet, in our hearts, we long to be a part
of those childhood memories — as if our adult selves were watching on the inside;
experiencing the past through all of our five sense.
Forty and a half years, I've lived on this Earth. I gained a lot of knowledge as I was growing
up and acquired a lot of wisdom as I traveled down the road of adulthood. And through the various avenues and
boulevards I've walked through in the many paths of life, there is still
something that has never ceased to amaze me.
Whenever I ask others about who their parents are, the answer I
generally get is what their names are, how they’re related to them, and what
they do for a living. And it seems that
no matter how old a person gets, they never seem to get passed that. However, that is “what” they are to us, not necessarily “who” they are. You may think: “Well,
what else is there?” Well, there’s a lot more to them than you
realize. No, you didn't exist before
your parents became your parents and your grandparents became your
grandparents. But THEY did. You see, our parents and grandparents have
always had an identity beyond the present information that we know about
them. They've been somebody’s brother or
sister. They've been somebody’s son or
daughter. They've been somebody’s nephew
or niece. They've been somebody’s
grandson or granddaughter. They've been
somebody’s friend. They were somebody’s
student at one time. They were
somebody’s boyfriend or girlfriend at one time.
Throughout their lifetime, they've been many things to many people.
I got to know my dad passed just “being
my dad” and being a hard worker at Numerics Unlimited North of Sidney for
over four decades. I even got to know my
dad passed him being a hunter and fisherman.
I got to know that he played in Little League and how he loved baseball
while in his tweens. I got to know that
he was in the Cub Scouts when he was a kid.
I got to know that Superman was his childhood hero, just like The
Incredible Hulk was mine. Examples such
as these seem pretty trivial, but how many of us really know people passed “what they are to us?” In addition to my dad, all four of my
grandparents are gone. And even though I
never got a chance to get to know my grandfathers, I did get to know my
grandmothers on a personal basis. And I
must say: when somebody passes away,
being able to say that gives you great comfort.
What I have learned this past year is that if you truly know who a person
is before they pass away, you’ll find it easier to begin to celebrate their
life once you have finished mourning their death. After all, people never really die as long as
there is someone to remember them. My
dad has a lot of people who remember him.
And one of those people is me. My
dad was “my Hercules,” for he was the
strongest man I knew. And like the quote
in my first paragraph, my dad; my
Hercules always believed in me. I urge
you, my friends, to truly get to know the people who are the most important in
your life. Take some time to really “get to know your parents.” Take some time to really “get to know your grandparents.” And most importantly, take some time to get to know our Creator; our Lord God, for He is everybody’s Heavenly Father. There will never be a more unconditional love than His. God Bless you all!
